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Would it be appropriate to put money in a sympathy card for a professor?
April 22, 2010 | In: Sympathy Gifts
My mother’s colleaque lost a son recently and she wants to put a monetary gift in the sympathy card my family is sending him. Is this ok to do or should we jsut send a card alone?
Alright I guess it is a cultural thing. My mother (african american) lost both her parents recently, my dad lost his brother and dad within the past year, and family members will send money to help with traveling to the funeral, expenses, etc.
I included his occupation because my mother is a professor as well, so it may be a different type of relationship than in other professions.
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20 Responses to Would it be appropriate to put money in a sympathy card for a professor?
Amanda
April 22nd, 2010 at 10:52 am
No money to professors in America. It might be acceptable in another country.
Lauren
April 22nd, 2010 at 11:28 am
Unless they’ve said no money or to donate to a cause or give flowers, I would say it’s fine.
g.charlotte14
April 22nd, 2010 at 11:37 am
dont give money!!! it makes it seem like their a charity case or something even if you don’tmean to protray that message!!
flowers and a card is very appropriate! xx
Kayla F
April 22nd, 2010 at 12:24 pm
If you want to include a gift, I’d get him a gift card to put in the envelope. Maybe to a grocery store, or somewhere he can take his mind off of everything, like a golf course or a restaurant.
Here We Grow, Again!
April 22nd, 2010 at 1:03 pm
I’d just send the card – no money. It would be more appropriate to find out if they have a fund that is accepting money.
Poppy
April 22nd, 2010 at 1:52 pm
Definitely NOT, could be misconstrued
pazza_sez
April 22nd, 2010 at 2:01 pm
send the card alone, if she wants to donate send flowers, or wait until after the funneral to do something better with it, like start a collection for a charity or a memorial thing
josie_lam
April 22nd, 2010 at 2:49 pm
Personally I don,t think money is an appropriate gift. I would send flowers and a hand-made card with warm sympathy.
SunnyMoon
April 22nd, 2010 at 3:23 pm
Yes, it is OK. If you intend for the money to be spent in a particular way, such as a donation to a charity, you should note that in the card. If it is just to help with the family’s funeral costs, I would not state that.
Jessica C
April 22nd, 2010 at 4:05 pm
i wouldn’t want to receive money if my son died i would view that to be an insult if money is going to be given it should be in a collection and donated to maybe help with expenses otherwise bake a casserole or share a memory and if your not close enough to the family to do that, a card will do just fine.
An Episcopalian+Anglican
April 22nd, 2010 at 5:01 pm
I’ve never head of anyone putting cash in a sympathy card.
If the family has listed a charity (usually in lieu of flowers) in the obituary, you could make a donation directly to the charity in memory of the son.
Meana
April 22nd, 2010 at 5:37 pm
I wouldn’t give the money. A small gift such as flowers would be nice, but sending a check or cash is somewhat insensitive.
Stick to a card.
jaffacake
April 22nd, 2010 at 6:18 pm
I’m not sure why this matters what someone’s job is. People’s jobs don’t always dictate how well off they are, or whether they need financial help. If I thought the funeral expenses might be difficult for a family, and I didn’t want to risk causing embarrassment, I would put a cash gift in the card and ask the family to spend it towards the memory of their loved one. This leaves it to them to donate it to a charity of their choice, or use it in paying for the expenses if they need to, or as friends of mine did recently, used it for an evening out with their immediate family to remember their child some weeks after the funeral.
traveller
April 22nd, 2010 at 7:02 pm
JUST SEND THE CARD
rockchick
April 22nd, 2010 at 8:00 pm
No money with the card. Just the card, possibly with flowers or a homemade/very nice food item (that’s traditional as grieving ppl often don’t think about making food). You can also check and see if there’s a special charity the person is fond of and make a donation in their name or the name of the deceased. Or if the deceased died of a particular illness make a donation to a related charity in their name. It’s o.k. to mention THAT inside the card—not the question, just that you made the donation.
krystalkf
April 22nd, 2010 at 8:05 pm
If you’re invited to the wake there are usually boxes where you can anonymously place monetery gifts. If you’re not invited or it’s already over then just send a card sans the money. That’s unwelcome in a sympathy card and could be seen as very tacky.
MCGC
April 22nd, 2010 at 8:14 pm
I know people put money in cards for the Wake, I don’t think it would be bad to put money in a sympathy card sent in the mail.
You are helping someone who has just gone through a tremendous loss.
Hannai
April 22nd, 2010 at 8:58 pm
No, Money isn’t appropriate for a sympathy card.
Send flowers or donate to the charity (if they have specified one) If they haven’t, donate to a charity or cause related to the boys cause of death (like the leukemia foundation) or to something that meant a lot to the deceased (perhaps his sporting club?)
When a classmate of my bothers died in during high school, a fund was created and used to buy a new boat for her rowing club. (Rowing being her passion) it was a lovely gesture.
littledaisychain
April 22nd, 2010 at 9:22 pm
sorry i am confused what would the money be for ?
QueenBof4
December 16th, 2010 at 3:17 am
My friends dad passed away in another state. She mentioned to me that the cost of flying a family of 4 to Ohio, along with hotel and food, is quite costly. Being that the holidays are here I was thinking of putting $200 in a sympathy card. Is that ok or tacky?