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What type of gift should I buy a close friend of mine’s who’s husband has passed away??
May 3, 2010 | In: Sympathy Gifts
I of course got her a sympathy card, but want to get her something else as obviously it’s a hard time for her presently
any suggestions? please, thank you
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27 Responses to What type of gift should I buy a close friend of mine’s who’s husband has passed away??
Gary G
May 3rd, 2010 at 8:13 am
A Cruise!
Meatloaf
May 3rd, 2010 at 9:04 am
I tried to cheer my friend up in a similar situation with a turkey baster, but she was pretty comical and it was to take her mind off of everything with its extreme randomness. I don’t know if its a good idea for you, but it worked for me.
ja;ldfjea;ldkfja
May 3rd, 2010 at 10:02 am
well if your going for very crude humor you could get her a vibrator i bet she would laugh even though its kinda sick ..
Rebecca
May 3rd, 2010 at 10:57 am
I would say just flowers….An expensive gift really isn’t necessary, and frankly, she won’t really care right now. (You know what I’m saying….?) Good luck.
curiouscanadian
May 3rd, 2010 at 11:31 am
Maybe just the gift of your time right now. Take her over a home cooked meal or homemade cookies and spend some time just listening to her and being there for her.
pamiekins
May 3rd, 2010 at 11:32 am
I bought my aunt a kitten after my uncle died.
I knew she loved them. I figured it could keep her company.
You don’t have to go such extravagances, though. You can make a scrap-book of pictures of her, her husband, family, friends, etc, and have her close family and friends sign it.
silentlucidity
May 3rd, 2010 at 11:49 am
Handmake a coupon book for your services…coupons for your shoulder for her to cry on, a phone call to talk and listen, a movie night for a distraction, a homemade dinner for when she’s REALLY down and doesn’t want to do it herself…get creative, she’ll love it and remember you for it for a long time.
chichi6576
May 3rd, 2010 at 12:22 pm
I am not sure what would be the best gift except for being there for her and offering your sympathy. You may research books or grief support groups and then maybe attend a grief support group with her.
Terri R
May 3rd, 2010 at 12:34 pm
When my Mom died,her friends gave my Dad a “money tree”,you can buy them and any party store and just tie money onto the branches. Besides having a hard time dealing with the loss,everyone has a hard time financially afterwards too.
jwjeepers62
May 3rd, 2010 at 12:40 pm
A nice “fruit basket” since nobody knows what to do with all
the leftover flowers. I’ve seen it many times. ():-})-{+
taurus032078
May 3rd, 2010 at 1:26 pm
make her a conforting meal and offer to run some errands for her
Branwyn
May 3rd, 2010 at 2:18 pm
After my father passed away my mom was relieved to have so many food contributions. People would bring over casseroles or main dishes in disposable cook wear. This alleviated the need for her to do major cooking. She could just pop something into the microwave, or oven, and have lunch/dinner quickly. Our family also received numerous cards with small cash gifts that were meant to be put towards bills or funeral costs. A grieving widow isn’t looking for material/monetary gifts. They want someone to keep them company, help with errands and or chores, and sometimes take the lead. Sometimes, depends on the person, they want someone as their “spokesperson” who will make the decisions, handle phone calls, and take over for a moment. The best “gift” you could give your friend is to let her know you’re available to help out in any way. Touch base with her frequently and pass on a kind word.
snapdragon
May 3rd, 2010 at 3:07 pm
curiouscanadian has the correct answer. Your time.
ulostmycrayon
May 3rd, 2010 at 4:01 pm
I would get her a nice memorial shadow box. That way she can fill it with her husbands pictures and any sentimental items to her.
DemocracyDog
May 3rd, 2010 at 4:23 pm
I think it is not appropriate to buy “presents” on the occasion of a death. However, you could try to “comfort” her and cheer her up by inviting her on a nice trip to a relaxing resort with you. The idea is that your “time” is the actual gift. The resort is just your selection of a special place to spend time together. If you can’t spend the money, then just offer to visit her daily and have a “tea party”. It’s simple and you can pretend that the Queen of England just couldn’t make it to “tea” at your house that day…. everyday. You should plan some activity to take her mind off her situation. You have to allow her to be sad for awhile and continue to talk about her husband. You cannot “fix” her sadness. She has to do it.
cotton candy
May 3rd, 2010 at 5:01 pm
offer to clean her house with all that is happening she has no time do change her sheets, bathroom ,laundry ….. bring dinner being alone at night might be hardest. take her out to dinner be there even in 2 months when it really sinks in
SCH
May 3rd, 2010 at 5:30 pm
The memory box is a great idea! My friend lost her son last year and I got her one that was decorated in honor of him…it was great because she could put all of the kind cards and letters she recieved at the funeral in it for her other kids.
LL W
May 3rd, 2010 at 5:30 pm
A bunch of Sunflowers or Daisy and tell her that “hope this could bring a bit of sun shines back to the house!”:)
Skye Baby
May 3rd, 2010 at 6:17 pm
When my neighbour’s husband passed away a few of us in the street got together & made up freezable food so that they had a fully stocked freezer for a while.
She said that this was a real god-send as it meant that on really bad days she didn’t have to cook for her & the kids. She could just pull something home-made & nutricious out of the freezer & not have to stress about the kids eating junk.
The following are excellent for freezing:
Lasagne (vegetable or traditional meat)
Pasta sauces so all she has to do is boil some spaghetti
Casseroles & stews
Curries so all she has to do is boil some rice
I have a problem with giving gifts to people after a death other than food or flowers as I feel that every time they look at the gift they will remember the death.
drshorty
May 3rd, 2010 at 7:11 pm
A nice house plant
A fruit basket
A bath and body set
A nice candle
myneighborisanass2
May 3rd, 2010 at 8:09 pm
green bean casserole
kathleen f
May 3rd, 2010 at 8:42 pm
The most meaningful gifts that I received when my husband died were a frame poem that was written especially for me in my time of grief, and a stained glass “sun catcher” of a dove flying into the sky. I have since remarried, and the sun catcher is hanging in my front window. My new hubby knows why I have it and he is totally cool with it.
another thing that I bought, but would have been thrilled to receive as a gift was the display case for his burial flag. (he was a veteran)
stephimm
May 3rd, 2010 at 8:56 pm
Flowers, a casserole for her freezer, a companion to go out with her once in a while (you), an ear to listen to her (you), a shoulder to cry on (you).
berry
May 3rd, 2010 at 9:51 pm
Not every occasion needs a gift. Your presence in their time of sorrow is good enough.
jemima
May 3rd, 2010 at 10:11 pm
Personally, I would find a gift to be in bad taste, however you are wanting advise, so I would suggest that you spend time with her, or take her on an outing.
puppetmaster
May 3rd, 2010 at 10:15 pm
a new husband
riversconfluence
May 3rd, 2010 at 11:08 pm
Offer your help and compassion. Give your friend a verbal or actual list of those things you can do for her, and tell her to call when she is ready. [I liked the coupon idea]
Get her yard mowed for her, take her to lunch, bake cookies for her freezer, buy some coffee and coffeemate so she has something to offer guests who make sympathy calls. Wash her car, hire a cleaning service for her house. At a time like this, anything you do would be welcome.
If she is a close friend, and her financial situation is going to be rocky, money is always good. Give only what you can afford to give, a little, or a little more, and indicate that it is intended to offset expenses. Unless she and her husband were very well off financially, she will have a money crunch. In my community, not everyone can afford to send a big spray of flowers to the funeral. A few bucks and a card is always welcome, and a tradition. My cousin sent me $50, haven’t seen her in years. I so was glad to have it, rather than getting flowers. And it was easier for her, too, she put it in a card, and sent it with her parents to me.
And of course, offer a shoulder to cry on. Just being there is is going to be a big help.