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Is this a good sympathy gift for my friend? Her mother just died?
December 19, 2009 | In: Sympathy Gifts
My friend’s mother just died…we have been working together a few years and she is basically like a mother to me. Me and my girlfriend are friends with her family but we never knew her mother. I was going to get them a Vermont Teddy Bear with a card saying “We are sorry for the loss of your loved one, keep this in her memory” Does that seem a bit over the top or no? For some reason it seems like a strange sympathy gift to me…but I didn’t want to go with a generic fruit basket or flower arrangement…I wanted it to be something they could keep and remember. For me it just almost seems droll to give someone a gift that is like ‘here is something to remind you that someone died’
Am I thinking too deeply about this? Any thoughts?
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13 Responses to Is this a good sympathy gift for my friend? Her mother just died?
slim trim
December 19th, 2009 at 12:33 am
that is a lovely thought go for it and bless you for being so thoughtful
sonben002
December 19th, 2009 at 1:23 am
I think it’s a great idea. i have to agree with the boring fruits and flowers. i hope she likes the gift!
Panama
December 19th, 2009 at 1:42 am
Why a gift. Your support and sympathy for their situation should be more than enough.
A teddy bear? There is something that will end up in a garage sale or stuffed in an attic somewhere. Just be there for them. It says more than anything.
jessehollonds
December 19th, 2009 at 2:28 am
I recently lost a close friend, and although gifts were thoughtful and appreciated, the thing that kept me going was the people that offered their support and prayers.
Malley
December 19th, 2009 at 2:52 am
I’m not so sure about that…what about just offering your support & letting them know you’ll be glad to do anything for them that they may need during this time…such as cooking a meal for them, running any errands, etc. If she keeps mementos they will probably be personal ones that she already has or that her mother owned…a nice card would suffice…since you didn’t know her mother I wouldn’t get anything too personal
morrigin
December 19th, 2009 at 3:22 am
You could get a donation to a charity in her mother’s name. I know when my Grandad died we got certificates of donations given to the Irish Cancer foundation and that meant a lot to my nana.
? Mad Luv ?
December 19th, 2009 at 3:47 am
great idea maybe get a PLANT not flowers as well!
michelebaruch@yahoo.com
December 19th, 2009 at 3:59 am
What I would do is purchase a very special “Hallmark” condolence card, together with flowers, a plant, or a real nice box of chocolates. Even a home made cake, your girlfriend can bake.
Hallmark has so many cards, you will really be able to find one that exactly conveys your feelings. As a personal touch I would call your friend and ask her if you, and your girlfriend may come and make a condolence visit. Bring the flowers, and card with you.
When people are in mourning they need other people around to talk their feelings out. She will most probably enjoy talking about the good times, and wonderful memories she has of her mother. However, I would wait for 4 to 5 days before you do it.
deerogre
December 19th, 2009 at 4:08 am
I don’t think it is too over the top, but I think it is a bit odd to give a teddy bear or any gift for sympathy. I think many prefer people to give to a charity…is there something the mom or the family supports?…..How did she die? If it was due to an illness there may be charities that do research in that field and THAT would be the most appropriate charitable donation to make. If there are young children, maybe you could start a college fund for them. What is MOST important during this time and in the near future is to let the family know that you will be there for them and mean it. They may be getting bombarded with visitors and gifts right now, but maybe it would be nice in a couple weeks to bring them a home made meal. Actions go a lot further than any gift, so just pay attention to what your friend needs or wants and be there.
M v
December 19th, 2009 at 5:02 am
I think its the thought that counts here, Another idea would be making a donation in this person’s name to a charity. Sorry for your loss.
SAM1981
December 19th, 2009 at 5:16 am
You do not give gifts when people pass away. Often times, family will bring over some meals so the grieving does not need to worry about cooking. As for a friend, a simple card expressing your sympathy and prayers is enough.
EvArtD
December 19th, 2009 at 5:31 am
As some have already stated the idea is great but the teddy bear is a little strange and defintily something that will end up in yard sale down the road.
However, if you check someplace such as:
http://www.collectionsetc.com
You will find some really nice sympathy gifts such as angels with a special message and some garden stones. Personally I would rather have something like that then a teddy bear.
starrystarrynight
December 19th, 2009 at 5:55 am
What matters is the note you write, on a card or letter, and the comfort you offer this person. I think you could even write “You have been like a mother to me” in your note and it would mean a lot. There should be no such thing as a sympathy gift-I agree it is just a reminder.
People gave my husband teddy bears when he had cancer and we were dumbfounded, although we appreciated the thought. Teddy bears for a 40 year old man? Reminders of his illness? No thanks!