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Is it proper etiquette to write words of sympathy in a thank you note for a wedding gift?
January 4, 2010 | In: Sympathy Gifts
A friend of my mother just lost her teenage son a few weeks ago, he passed-away in his sleep.
She sent us a card congratulating us on our marriage. Is it proper etiquette to say thank you and ‘we’re sorry to hear about your son’ in the same note to her?
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22 Responses to Is it proper etiquette to write words of sympathy in a thank you note for a wedding gift?
*miki*
January 4th, 2010 at 9:37 pm
yes that’s fine
just make sure your wording is well thought out
Cb
January 4th, 2010 at 10:06 pm
No.
Psycho_Panda
January 4th, 2010 at 10:18 pm
Small “thank you”, smaller “were so sorry for your loss”.
The last thing she needs is a long letter right now.
Keep it small but not indiferent.
<3 Italian_Pride <3
January 4th, 2010 at 10:29 pm
do NOT send a card that says thanks but hummm sorry about your son! thats improper. now is not the time to thank her.
Charles E. Lentz
January 4th, 2010 at 10:48 pm
No it is not, try sending another card. Am(additional message) Im sorry to hear about that too, it is indeed sad. And congrats on your wedding.
Kauna
January 4th, 2010 at 11:05 pm
I don’t know what would be “proper” but I wouldn’t. I would sent a separate sympathy card. I’m certainly not trying to point fingers but you probably already should have sent one. I understand that planning a wedding is stressful but if she found the time to sent a congratulations card after her loss, you should be able to find the time to send her two separate cards (or have sent one already).
science chick
January 4th, 2010 at 11:51 pm
I would send a separate card. It would be one thing if it was her great aunt, but this is a big loss. You want to keep the thank you separate from her devastating loss if possible. I would send the sympathy card first though, even if it means that the thank you gets there a little late. I doubt she would care, and you don’t want the thank you with no mention of her son to arrive first.
liberty486
January 5th, 2010 at 12:00 am
If it was me I would send two separate cards. One thank you and one condolences. I just can’t see thanking her for the happiest day of your life, and sympathy for the saddest day in her life on the same note. They are so conflicting.
Henery H
January 5th, 2010 at 12:24 am
No.
Send a ‘Thank You’ for the card and whatever gift was sent, and send a second card of sympathy to the mother, expressing your feelings for her, and whatever help you can offer.
Keep the feelings and occasions separate.
She will most likely keep all of the sympathy cards. It would look bad to have a ‘Thank You’ in the bunch.
lemonadeskull
January 5th, 2010 at 12:52 am
I wouldn’t. One is for a happy occasion, the other a tragedy. Spend the extra few dollars to send a sympathy card seperately.
Cloves.
January 5th, 2010 at 1:13 am
I don’t think there is much precedence for this. However, its better safe than sorry. Is it really worth the cost of a card and postage to make a goof like this? Send a separate sympathy card. Its better than unintentionally hurting her feelings. She doesn’t need that right now…
juliejuliejulie
January 5th, 2010 at 1:24 am
Send the note as a sympathy card. At the bottom, you can write that you are immensely grateful that she thought of you in the midst of her own grief.
Melissa G
January 5th, 2010 at 2:15 am
I’d do 2 seperate cards. I’d send the sympathy one first then the thanks. that way it wont look like your just saying sorry because she said congrats. But send the sorry 1 day and thanks the day after so they arrive within a day of each other.
Ms. X
January 5th, 2010 at 3:03 am
As far as I know, there’s no official etiquette rule on this. But I’m impressed with the advice my fellow posters are giving. Send 2 separate cards–the sympathy first, and the thank you note to arrive on a later date. Sympathy cards are comforting in a time of tragedy, and it’s best not to have that as a footnote in a thank you note.
Sheemes
January 5th, 2010 at 3:03 am
NO not in Thank You Card…
maybe send a second card.. Dont do it all in one.
Amy K
January 5th, 2010 at 3:57 am
That really wouldn’t be a very good idea. You should send her a heart-felt sympathy card ASAP. Then, send her a Thank You card in a couple of days. This way it won’t be so obvious. You really shouldn’t write something like that in a Thank You note. It would be bringing up a bad thing at the wrong time. Two totally different things…you need two separate cards at separate times. Sorry!
rivasj27
January 5th, 2010 at 4:16 am
your fine.
salem_phoenix
January 5th, 2010 at 4:17 am
Send two separate cards!
Helicreature
January 5th, 2010 at 4:45 am
No! Send her thank you note and a separate short note expressing your condolences.
R. B.
January 5th, 2010 at 5:45 am
If she sent a card, then I’d send her a note, but never on a printed thank you note card. I’d send a plain card of some type and write her a sweet note telling her how sorry you are about her son’s death, etc. etc. And tell her that it means so much to you that she sent you a note of congratulations on your marriage.
If she sent a gift, I’d send a thank you separate from the sympathy card.
Lydia
January 5th, 2010 at 5:49 am
No it is not.
Send a sympathy card right away.
In a few weeks, send the thank you card.
Katherine B
January 5th, 2010 at 6:48 am
I think it would be better to keep both situations separate.Would you want her to associate your wedding with her sons death? Just send 2 cards a few days apart.