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How do you tell wedding guests that you want money for your wedding gift?
February 8, 2010 | In: Wedding Gifts
For our wedding we don’t really want to register because we don’t need anything since we have been living together for the past three years. But we would love to accept money as a gift to pay for the honeymoon or put towards a down payment on a house. How do you word in a invitation that we arn’t registered but we want cash for our large expenses coming up?
OK, since everyone is trashing me on the subject, I’m the Matron of honor on this one and I was asking the question for the bride. I dont mean how can I ask for money in a formal invitation, I mean it more like for the shower. I’m going to be sending out invitations for her shower which is going to be a jack and jill and they dont need physical gifts. And everyone is trashing on this subject like she and I are unclassy to think that asking for money is wrong. It’s not like she wants to come out and say “I WANT MONEY” thats why we are asking, how should we got about this?
So if your going to write your unclassy and things like that then dont respond. I’ve seen it before that people note that money is accepted for help with honeymoon and such, welcome to 2009 people!!!
Thanks, just had to clear this one up for all you RUDE people that can’t respond nicely even though you have a difference of opinon.
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23 Responses to How do you tell wedding guests that you want money for your wedding gift?
OMG I got my dress
February 8th, 2010 at 10:13 pm
No. Poor etiquette and disrespect is all your guests will be thinking when they get word of this. Just don’t mention any registery or anything and they will get the hint.
Alyssa
February 8th, 2010 at 11:09 pm
You never say you want cash. Just don’t register and most people will give you cash or gift cards anyway. And even if they give you a gift, most people include their gift receipt so you can return it. If anyone asks you want you want, just tell them you’d prefer just money so you could buy what you need yourself if you’re that bold. But please don’t put in your invite that you want cash. People don’t have to get you anything. They’ll bring you a gift if they want to, and by putting something like that in your invite people will think you’re expecting a cash gift, which is quite rude.
Shawnna M
February 8th, 2010 at 11:38 pm
you don’t. That is very tacky. If anything tell like your mom or your FML that you guys hope that guests give cash gifts and have them pass the word down so that guests don’t have a bride and groom in their face asking for cash. My cousin and his wife wanted cash for their honeymoon so they had a dollar dance (which is still tacky) but people didn’t question and at least they didn’t just ask for money.
WE are not the rude ones, YOU are the rude one.
Diane A
February 8th, 2010 at 11:50 pm
This is oh so bad. Looks like you are just inviting people to your wedding to be cash cows. It is rude, impolite, ungracious and crass. Put that on the invite & I bet a lot of people will RSVP “no”.
pinkbird
February 9th, 2010 at 12:14 am
In Laue of a lovely wedding gift, we are asking for monetary donations for our honeymoon.
Come on girls get with the program. Both myself and my brother and his wife did this and it went just fine. People understand when you are an older couple, or have been living together and already have an established home.
Mel
February 9th, 2010 at 12:33 am
You can actually register for a honeymoon. I am not sure what travel companies do this but you can register for excursions and such. Apple vacations may do this. Without registering, you may end up with many unwanted gifts. If you are going to register, do it at bed bath and beyond because your gifts can be returned for cash as long as it was on the registry.
By the way, telling guests to give money is a big no no. Most guests do give money at the wedding. If you do not want or need gifts consider not having a shower-that’s where you get the actual gifts.
aspasia
February 9th, 2010 at 12:57 am
I would recommend a clearly worded formal invitation along the lines of
Mr and Mrs Elyse W at
request the pleasure of your cash donations
to celebrate the legal formalizing of their long-standing common-law relationship
on
Then just put your deposit account number down in the lower left where the “R.s.v.p.” would normally go. If you wish, you could include an engraved donation card with tick-boxes for the amount of donation, in place of the normal R.s.v.p. card.
This clear, formal statement of your wishes will help your invitees avoid the mistake of expecting gracious hospitality or old-fashioned family-oriented values, and they will be able to respond appropriately.
I certainly know what kind of response *I* would consider appropriate!
vtjames7433
February 9th, 2010 at 1:23 am
I agree with the first answer- it shows bad manners at the very least.
Shannon
February 9th, 2010 at 1:26 am
You don’t.That would be rude. Just don’t register anywhere and most people will get the hint. You can also tell CLOSE family and friends that you just want money, and they can in turn spread the word. But don’t put it in the invitation, that’s just tacky.
Kristy
February 9th, 2010 at 1:34 am
You don’t tell them. Show some class.
MICHAEL B
February 9th, 2010 at 2:27 am
I think you answered the question already many couples live together before marriage and IM sure all your friends will understand your wish for cash bring it up in conversation tell them you are really hoping to raise enough for a honey moon also saves them the head ache of wondering what to buy you good luck
CindyLu
February 9th, 2010 at 2:56 am
Your large expenses are not the responsibility of your wedding guests. There is no way to ask for money because you should not be doing this. People are not obligated to bring you anything at all and it is very crass not to mention tacky to ask for gifts, ESPECIALLY MONEY. Your honeymoon or house is what you are supposed to work out not wait for you poor guests to foot the bill as payment for attending your wedding. This is a terrible breech of etiquette. If you are not registered some people will give you the money instead but that is as far as you can take it to give them a hint. I never even attend any wedding where the bride and groom ask for cash. Shame on you for even asking.
Lainey Judith
February 9th, 2010 at 3:04 am
Uh, you don’t (Sorry) It is extremely bad etiquette to even hint at what they should bring as a gift, since that is not something that is required, but something they choose to give you in celebration of your wedding…
Just have a family member dicreetly pass the word around that you are not registered/not needing gifts, but that they (the discreet family member) will be giving you money instead (*hint, hint*)
Other than that, I don’t know any other acceptable way of doing what you have in mind…
Danni B2B 9/9/09
February 9th, 2010 at 3:58 am
i think in the modern day world it is becoming a lot more acceptable to, as couples are living together before marriage and don’t have the need for your typical wedding gift ‘household’ items. There was a wedding in the family a while ago where a young couple added a slip in with the invitation a poem about prefering ‘gold and silver’ and mind you that side of my family is very traditional and they did not get offended!
Here is a link that explains how asking for money for gifts is not all that bad etiquette in todays era…
http://www.love-of-poems.com/wedding-poems-asking-for-money-as-gift.html
and there are some examples of how you can go about asking.
Good luck!
kill_yr_television
February 9th, 2010 at 4:21 am
You are asking the wrong question. You should be asking “How can I maneuver prospective guests into asking me what sort of gift I might like?”
Etiquette dictates that you should never expect or anticipate gifts. Etiquette doesn’t even let you say “No gifts please” because that would imply that you COULD insist people bring you gifts, but are kindly letting them off the hook. So no matter how USUAL it may be for people to give wedding presents, you still invite people to your wedding solely because they are dear to you — gifts are the furthest thing from your mind when you issue invitations.
In the old days we did RSVP by phone. Usually the bridesmaids and groomsmen handled most of the calls, and they were prepared to advice people on gifts IF ASKED. Sometimes they would lead the conversation a bit by saying things like “They’re terribly busy these days trying to do everything themselves to save money.”
When people do ask what sort of gift would be appreciate, the response must include several options. “They both like Bombay gin, they’re registered at Target, and they’d welcome contributions to the honeymoon fund.” At target you register for towels, lots of towels. You keep one set for show and return the rest for cash.
RSVP by phone will also save you a ton of money (no stamps to buy, no printer to pay) and will give you greater control of your guest list. With those little cards, people write in names and invite guests of their own and this is awkward. On the phone your helpers can say things like “No, I’m quite sure the invitation is for Homer and Marge only. Bart, Lisa, and Maggie are not on the guest list.”
If you feel like just have to use those response cards, then the best idea I can come up with is to call people to make sure they received the invitation and hope they ask about gifts.
My thoughts
February 9th, 2010 at 4:39 am
You don’t tell them, and certainly not in an invitation.
When they ask your parents or bridal party, let those people explain that you already have your household set up and that cash would be lovely.
Kj S
February 9th, 2010 at 5:23 am
I wouldn’t worry about it seeming rude. People understand that’s what modern couples want now.
We had the printers do an extra card with a little poem about our ‘wishing well’. It went like this:
If you were thinking of getting us a gift to help us on our way
A contribution to our wishing well would really make our day
But the most important thing of all is that you come along to celebrate and have a ball!
just me!
February 9th, 2010 at 6:18 am
dear guests, please be kind enough to give us cash. we don’t want your idea of a gift no matter how much it may mean to you, we want you to pay for our honeymoon so cash only!
oh yeah – thanks
greedy bride and groom
p
February 9th, 2010 at 7:15 am
I have the same problem with my wedding. I already have pretty much everything we could need in our new life. I have been living on my own for 10 years. What we did is register for a few things. That way the guests that just cannot bring themselves to give cash will still have something to buy us that we can use, and the others will get the hint. We also set up a wedding website through mywedding.com and on it we put our registries and also noted that any monetary gifts would be put towards the purchase of our new home. You can reword to say whatever you are putting the money towards. We also put that if you prefer to give gift cards we would prefer gift cards to _____.
I think in this day and age people need to realize that many couples have lived together or at least out of their parents house for a while and already have most of the things that would go on a regular registry. I think it is fine to want money for presents, but remember that some people are old school and want to get you that pot and pan set or those knives and can’t even imagine sending cash. So, I would have a small registry for those people. I think most people would prefer to give cash (it is just easier on them), but they resent it when you tell them that is their only option.
Hope this helps!
crk_sak
February 9th, 2010 at 7:42 am
If you would like to ask for money DO NOT print it anywhere. Leave registry information off all invites. This will cause the guests to ask around. You can inform people like the Bridal Party, parents and grandparents of this choice and they can pass the word around nicely. You could set up a money tree at the reception for these donations.
John C
February 9th, 2010 at 7:55 am
It will be hard to do this without coming off as rude. What I suggest is talking to your closest friend who is attending the wedding, and tell them this. Maybe they will spread the word for you, but do it in a way so no one knows that this is what you want. Like I said, it would not look good if you just asked for money.
Janey
February 9th, 2010 at 4:28 pm
There is nothing wrong with requesting cash–these days lots of people do this since people have all kinds of situations when they get married. Tell your friend to set up a cash fund or two on myregistry.com (she can call it whatever she wants, but descriptive titles sometimes make people feel better about giving cash since they know what it’s going toward). Then, she can give you access to the eCards on the site and you can just email them out to shower guests and it will link to the registry. Once guests see the registry, they will see that they prefer cash. Like I said, there is nothing rude about this so just ignore anyone who tells you otherwise!
Ning
April 21st, 2010 at 4:35 am
There is absolutely nothing wrong with asking for cash. I noted it on my invitations 12 years ago and there were still 350 guests who arrived. Most of your friends & family know anyway, so putting it out there just makes it clear. Its all about delivery though. So word it well… good luck